


Demolition Lovers

by macaroni_meangirls



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Blood and Violence, Everyone is Significantly Gayer, F/F, M/M, Original Female Character - Freeform, PTSD, Shanes an ass, also some misogyny, and homophobia, cadys eighteen and a surgeon, iraq war au, its fanfic just go with it, janis needs a hug, someone hug janis, theres some racism, this is in a war zone so if that bothers you this is not the fic for you, yes i know its weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-07-07 03:45:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15900225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macaroni_meangirls/pseuds/macaroni_meangirls
Summary: TW for battle scenes, violence, injuries, anything you'd expect in a war zone, misogynistic/homophobia/racist comments/actions, and PTSD.Janis Sarkisian is the best sniper in Iraq. She's part of Platform 451, stationed in Iraq to combat Al-Qaeda.Cady Heron is a brilliant trauma surgeon enlisted in the army as a doctor. She's just received her assignment: Platform 451.Upon arrival, Cady is absolutely enraptured with the girl who can shoot like Annie Oakley. The mysterious sniper is equally fascinated with the smart, funny, innocent surgeon.As the war rages around them, the two do their best to survive, and find themselves fighting for each other along the way.(BTW I know it's weird that Cady's eighteen and a surgeon it's fanfic just go with it)





	1. Who's the New Kid on the Black Hawk?

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a multi-chapter Cadnis fic! I also write on Wattpad under the name @Jeffersonsmacaroni7, and there's more Cadnis stuff there if that's what you're into.

Janis kicks the soccer ball away from Damian, her best friend. Weirdly, neither of them liked playing sports much in school, but now they're eighteen and deployed to Iraq, and they love it. Guess fighting for your life can change your priorities a bit.

"Is that a hawk?" Janis tenses, stopping the ball with her foot.

"I hope not," Damian mutters. "Last time a hawk flew in, three guys were dead."

Janis cautiously picks up her sniper rifle from where she propped it against a tree in plain view. She doesn't let the rifle out of her sight, ever.

She used to have no idea how to even load a gun. Now it slides perfectly into place in her hands, the heavy, dull metal positioned perfectly to kill.

Janis is a very good shot. Famous for it, in fact. She applied to be a sniper, got passed back and forth between units who didn't want the eighteen-year-old girl as their sniper. Then someone saw her practicing. She set up a Coke can tab, shot through the hole in the tab, and hit her target dead center. Boom, she went from reject to rock star, finally getting claimed by Platform 451, a Special Ops unit in the desert.

Special Ops has made Janis very, very happy to have her gun.

"Yeah, it's a hawk," she calls to Damian as her sharp eye makes out the black helicopter in the distance. "Not flying fast enough to be going for med though."

"Maybe they've got a mission?" Damian says hesitantly.

"They'd radio," Janis mutters, locking her gun. She's not sure if she trusts the Black Hawk. If it was brought down and seized by Al-Qaeda, then they may be about to let enemies into their camp. "What the hell is going on?"

"Jan, you can put the gun down!" Regina calls. "It's fine, we're getting a trauma surgeon, that's her!"

"They gave us a trauma surgeon?" Janis asks, uncoiling. "There's seven of us!"

"Seven of us who are getting a new trauma surgeon. Apparently she's the reject of the bunch, but then again, so was Janis."

"Watch it," Janis warns jokingly, leaning back against Damian. "So it's a she. Where's she from?"

"She's flying in from Kenya, actually. Worked over there in refugee camps until she signed up for Iraq. Now we've got her. Shane, no trashy jokes. Janis, no shooting bullets between her legs, no matter how great of a shot it is."

"I don't play around with gun safety," Janis growls, her grin fading. "Don't talk to me like that, Regina."

Regina's mouth opens to retort, but the Black Hawk drowns her out. Janis doesn't bother trying to read her lips.

"Hey, Ron," she calls, recognizing the pilot. "Who's the new kid?"

"Your shiny new trauma surgeon. Try not to break her," Ron teases. "You and Damian should show her the ropes. Kid, Janis here is the best sniper in Iraq. You need a bullet in something, she's your girl."

The person in the back says something unintelligible as she clambers out of the copter. "Hey," she says, waving at Janis. "You don't look scary enough to be the sniper girl."

Janis would normally whip out a comeback that would bring this girl down, but she can't, because she's too busy trying to pick her jaw up off the floor. Trauma girl has a long, heavy, cascading mane of thick auburn hair. Her lips are full and red, her skin pearly white, like ivory, her teeth small and perfect. Her eyes are pale blue, exactly like a robin's egg, and pure, wide with innocence and guilelessness.

Janis doesn't say this often, about anyone, but trauma girl is gorgeous.

"Mm, you'd be surprised," she manages, trying to repress the blush creeping into her cheeks. "Janis Sarkisian, sniper. And you are?"

"Cady Heron, trauma surgeon," trauma girl - Cady - says with a smile, showing her off her dazzlingly white teeth. "And before you ask, yes, I'm eighteen, yes, I'm a surgeon. I was a child prodigy, I went through med school at thirteen and completed my residency last year. No, I am not stuffy, no, I am not going to constantly tell stories about how smart I am, no, I am not related to Einstein, and yes, med school was hard. Very. This has been a pleasant conversation."

Janis cracks a smile, suddenly self-conscious about her grungy appearance. "Glad we got that out of the way. As for me, no, I'm not going to shoot you, no, I'm not related to Annie Oakley, no, I won't try to shoot an apple off your head, and yes, I have killed people. This has been a pleasant conversation."

Cady's smile falters for a second on "killed people," but she regains it quickly. Janis doesn't miss it, but she's not surprised. Trauma girl's never been in a war zone before. She doesn't know what it's like to be perched in a tree, aiming a gun at a guy, knowing all that crap about how he has a life and a family and he's a person too and all that shit that makes people in movies lower their gun, and then have to think about how he's going to kill your whole platform and steal their weapons and use them to trigger the collapse of the free world, and then shooting anyway, nailing him in the head.

Not that Janis doesn't think about it. Not that their deaths don't replay in her head. Not that she doesn't wake up in a cold sweat sometimes, seeing their faces being blown off. Not that she doesn't have panic attacks sometimes thinking about doing it again. But she doesn't regret it. And in every single situation where she's killed someone, she'd do it again in a heartbeat given a chance to replay the scene.

People like Cady sit at the top of the world, lauded as heroes. People like Janis sit just below them, keeping them safe while being called murderers.

Janis offers a hand to Cady, helping her down. "Welcome to Platform 451. I'll show you around."

 

A/N: In case anyone missed it, the pilot is Principal Duvall making a cameo appearance.


	2. It's Where Do You Belong But With Deadly Weapons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring sassy Janis, soft Janis, Damian being a gift, and Cady being an Angsty Child™.

"You're gonna have one hell of a boring job, there's only seven of us," Janis says. "There's me, I'm the sniper. This is Damian, he's my best friend since high school and my spotter. He's a pretty damn good sniper too, he covers me and helps me get where I need to go. Saved my ass plenty of times. That blond one over there, that's Regina, our commander. I know she doesn't look like much, but not only is she terrifying when angry, she is now your God. Do what she says, when she says it, and don't piss her off. The Asian girl, that's Gretchen, our communicator. If you need to radio a base, get info or ask for supplies, go to Gretchen. Over there's Karen, she's cook/nurse/melee soldier. Not the sharpest knife in the crayon box-"

"What?" Cady asks.

"It's a saying. You know, not the sharpest knife already, but then, if you're in a crayon box..." Janis shakes her head. "Karen's as dumb as a bag of hammers, but she's good with a gun, she cooks like hell, and in an emergency she's the best nurse you could possibly want. None of us out here would be alive without Karen. That guy over there, the blond one, that's Shane. He's an ass. A straight-up ass. You want him covering yours in a firefight, because he can fix anything and if your gun jams he'll fix it in a minute, but he's still an ass. And over there is Aaron. He's our bomb squad guy, except he doesn't just defuse 'em. He builds 'em. Call it nerdy now, but when one of his IEDs goes crashing into a nest of guys with AK-47s that you really didn't want to go charging into with one gun, you'll be grateful for him."

"Oh, wow," Cady mumbles, spinning around slowly. "Wow, this is...not what I was expecting."

"Yeah, Special Ops is a lot less glamorous up close. Wait till someone gets shot, though, it'll liven up then. How do you say your name again?"

"It's Cady, C-A-D-Y," Cady says sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm gonna call you Caddie," Janis says confidently. "Caddie, did they tell you about Special Ops?"

"Not a lot."

"Well, they don't send Med-vacs out here. Too much risk of having 'em shot down, you know? So if someone gets shot out here, you don't just have to save their asses for the moment, you've gotta rehabilitate them, because they're not getting out of here till we get recalled. Which happens once a year. We've been out here six months. In another six, we get two weeks to do whatever we please, and then back out to home sweet sandy home," Janis says, gesturing around at the vast expanses of sand. "Funny bit is, none of us are even old enough to drink, which means our homecoming is gonna be pretty damn boring."

"They don't let you drink if you deployed?" Cady asks.

"What, no one told you? Nope, the law remains firm in our case." Janis leans casually against Damian, pushing her hair out of her face.

"Do you always carry...that?" Cady asks, motioning to Janis's rifle.

"Mm, it's not always in my hand, but if you ever see my rifle and I'm not in view, able to see it, I'm dead. I don't leave it, ever. It's saved my life too many times for that."

"That's not...creepy at all," Cady says, grinning to let Janis know she's kidding. "So which of these tents is what?"

"That one's mine," Janis says, pointing to a small, green canvas tent. "I keep my shit in there."

"You have your own?" Cady asks.

"Don't ask her about that unless you have a death wish," Damian orders, putting his hand on Janis's shoulder.

"...okay," Cady says hesitantly. "And the others?"

"Me, Aaron, and Shane share that one," Damian says, pointing to a larger tent. "Though sometimes if Shane gets too annoying I crash with Janis for the night. That one's Regina and Karen's, and that little one over there is Gretchen's. We'll put you in there."

"Gretchen has her own too?"

"She's got a lot of mechanical shit for her communications job," Janis explains. "We'll put an extension on it, you'll fit fine."

"That brownish one over there is Karen's cooking tent," Damian says. "You can tell by the smoke chute, in case she needs to heat something, which we try to avoid. And over there is what's gonna be your favorite: the med tent."

"That's where all your supplies are, where Karen'll go if you need her, where we'll take anyone who needs medical help," Janis adds. "That's where you come in handy as our shiny, sparkly new trauma surgeon. Try not to let any of us die. That would suck. We're scarce as it is out here. By the way, if you need extra help, Damian is your best bet. He's CPR certified, at least. But anyone out here will do the best they can if you order them to help, even Shane."

"What happens if I'm over my head, they need surgery?" Cady asks nervously.

"You've got a portable OR in there, ready to go. Karen knows how to clean it, she'll show you all the technical stuff," Damian promises. "And if you need advice, go to Gretchen on comm. She'll get you a portable comm that you can use to talk to a surgeon at a different base."

"I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be out here," Cady says nervously, twisting her fingers together frantically. "I'm the reject, I'm eighteen, I completed my residency last year, I'm new, I'm totally inexperienced, I've never been in a war zone, I can't shoot, I shouldn't have come out here, because you guys need a real trauma surgeon, and-"

"Hey, Caddie," Janis says softly, taking the girl's hands in her own to keep her from twisting them. "Hey. You are a real trauma surgeon. And you're gonna do great. I'll let you in on a not-so-secret: I was the reject sniper. I got bounced around for a month before someone saw me shoot. Now I'm on Special Ops and ranked up there with Chris Kyle. The only person out here who's gonna give you any real flak for being new is Shane, and he's an ass. No one out here listens to him, because he's full of shit. Once you get a really nasty trauma, like a really nasty one, and you save someone's life, no one's going to be doubting you as a great surgeon, not even yourself. Okay?"

"Okay," Cady says, quietly, relaxing a little. Janis drops her hands, ignoring Damian nudging her with his elbow.

"Well, this is where we send you to Karen to go learn medical stuff. We're the heathens, out here shooting people. Ya'll are the real heroes," Janis says, waving. "Damian and I'll be in my tent if you need anything."

"Oh, are you two - um, dating?" Cady asks, looking back and forth from Damian to Janis.

I'm not going to laugh. I'm not going to laugh. Then Damian makes eye contact with Janis, and she loses it, sending Damian over the edge as well.

"I'll take it you're not, then?" Cady asks, sounding slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry," Janis gasps, still laughing so hard she can barely breathe. "It's just - Damian and I - are both so gay-"

"Too gay to function," Damian adds, also laughing.

"And then you asked, totally seriously, if we were a couple, and-" Janis allows herself a few more giggles before forcing herself back to composure. "I'm sorry, it was just - oh my God -"

"One of the funniest things we've heard in a while," Damian adds, gripping Janis's arm. "We're platonic soulmates, Cady, emphasis on platonic."

"Okay," Cady sighs, her gaze flicking to Janis for a moment. "I was worried for a minute, you both just started laughing, but you were quiet for so long, I was scared I'd said something wrong-"

"We didn't want to laugh," Janis explains. "We really didn't, Caddie. That seemed mean. But then Damian just gave me that look and-"

"She died," Damian finishes. "Just couldn't stop laughing."

"It's okay," Cady says with a smile, laughing a little herself. "Now that I know you weren't laughing at me. I'm gonna go ask Karen to show me the medical stuff." She gives a little wave, glancing at Janis again.

The second she's out of earshot, Damian exclaims "Tent. Now."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"She's just cute, is all!" Janis protests.

"Uh-huh. You haven't looked at anyone like that since-"

"Don't say it. Don't say her name."

"Jan..."

"Damian, I'm not ready for a relationship, okay? I need time."

"Janis, you've had seven months of time, and this isn't healthy. You're not grieving, Jan, you're wallowing. You know how much I love you, and you know I'd never hurt you, but as your best friend, I have to tell you: it's time to let her go."

"Damian, this isn't like Philip, where he's still alive and well and okay. She's gone, really gone, and I still can't even say her name without crying and wanting to throw up. If anything, Cady deserves better than that. She's cute, I'll admit, and very sweet, but it's not going to happen."

"Okay. Can I braid your hair?"

Janis pulls her sheet of heavy dip-dyed hair out its ponytail. She still doesn't know how she got it past the appearance checks, but somehow, they let it slide. She feels Damian go to work, tucking at the strands that escape.

"You almost told her, didn't you? About your tent?"

"I thought about it. Then I decided not to scare her off. You've seen her. She's like Bambi. She's all doe-eyed and innocent. I don't want to crush her prematurely."

"Jan, you can't protect her forever."

"I know that. But I can try my damn best."

Damian falls silent as he concentrates on Janis's hair. He knows her well enough to know that now is not a good time to push her.

"Damian?" Janis whispers as he snaps her ponytail holder around the braid.

"Yeah?"

"Try to keep her from getting killed."


	3. I Mean That's Not Me But I'm Flattered Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring mental breakdown, Cady being an Actual Angel™, and Karen being the best thing that has ever happened.

Janis had been right about Karen, Cady realizes, as the girl struggles to read the bottles. "How do you know which one is which if you can't read the names?" Cady asks semi-casually.

"I memorized the colors," Karen replies. "I'm good at that."

Cady files away that information. Better remember that her nurse can't read.

"So what's up with Janis?" she asks Karen as the other girl shows her around the medical tent. "Why does she have her own tent?"

"She used to share with Gretchen, for about three months," Karen says with a shrug. "Then Gretchen went to talk to Regina in private, and she came out with her own tent. That's all I know. All anyone knows."

"What's she like?" Cady asks. She's not sure why, exactly, but she wants to know more about the gorgeous girl with the gun.

"She's pretty brave," Karen says with a shrug. "She'll talk back to Regina without hesitation. She's a really good shot. I've seen her shoot through a Coke tab and hit her target. She's been through some shit out here; she's pretty good at pretending she's fine when she's really not. She's super close with Damian, they've been friends forever, like they already knew each other before they enlisted. That's all I've got, she doesn't open up much. Why?"

"I don't know, just...she was showing me around, I think we might kinda be friends now, but she's just such an enigma, I don't know."

"You like her, don't you?" Karen giggles.

"What? I've known her for an hour!" Cady protests, fighting back the blush creeping into her cheeks.

"But you think she's pretty."

"What? No! I mean yes, she's pretty, I guess, but like objectively pretty, not like I have a crush on her pretty - hey!"

Karen smiles innocently. "I knew you liked her."

"You set me up!"

"You walked into it. I see why you like her, though. She's cute."

"I guess," Cady mumbles, blushing.

"You two have a lot of chemistry. Janis hasn't looked at anyone like that, like, ever. You should ask her out."

"Maybe," Cady mumbles. "I don't know, she's the best sniper in Iraq. Isn't she kinda out of my league?"

"She's good," Karen says with a frown. "Really good. But the best thing is a little hyped up. And you're an eighteen-year-old surgeon. I'd say you two are pretty well matched."

"You think?" Cady asks, blushing furiously.

"I think. Now, come on. I need to show you your OR, Dr. Heron," Karen says with a grin.

She pulls aside the curtain, revealing a small room.

There's a plastic covered slit in the wall for light. The table is nothing more than a foldable cot with a sheet of metal over it. There's a tray with instruments attached to the side.

Calling it "bare-bones" is generous to the point of ludicrousness.

"I'm supposed to operate in here?" Cady whispers hopelessly. "There's no way anyone could survive a surgery in here!"

"You'd be surprised," Karen says kindly, resting a hand on her arm. "I know it's not like back in the U.S., but immune systems are stronger than you doctors give it credit for. Our last trauma surgeon-" Karen's smile fades. "Saved all of our lives in here."

"What happened to the last trauma surgeon?" Cady asks nervously.

"She stepped on a land mine," Karen says softly. "There was no predicting it, just...boom."

"Boom," Cady echoes. "Do people really die out here, just like that?"

"Yeah," Karen says sadly. "Yeah, they do."

Karen stiffens her spine and forces a smile. "It's okay, though. There's not too many mines in this region. And they're not as strong as the one that got Sharon Norbury, I'll promise you that much. Now, let's-"

"Karen! Janis is having another one of her - you know!" a girl - Gretchen - screams. "Help!"

Karen curses and drags Cady away from the OR. "What you're about is going to be pretty freaky, you'll get used to it!" she shouts to Cady as she pulls her outside.

"What's a 'you know?'" Cady asks as Karen hauls her along.

"You'll see in a minute!"

They round the corner of the medical tent, and Cady does indeed discover what a "you know" is.

Damian's arms are wrapped around Janis's waist, holding her still as she screams and thrashes in his arms. "They're coming!" she shrieks, kicking out frantically. "They're coming, I need my gun, give me back my gun, I can save her if you give me back my gun!"

Damian is murmuring something in her ear, trying to hold her steady, but Janis is extremely strong and he's clearly struggling. "A little help?" he calls out as Janis swings her leg back into his knee.

It's only for a moment, but Damian's grip slips, and Janis gets a hand into her boot. "Shit, Regina, she's got a knife!" Damian screams.

"All right, let her go," Regina says loudly, slowly, barely restrained panic in her voice. "Just let her go."

Damian lowers Janis slowly to the ground, releasing her. She spins frantically, gripping her knife in a white-knuckled hand. "Who took my gun?" she shrieks. "I'm running out of time, I need to save her, give me back my gun!"

"Jan," Damian starts, but she wheels on her heel. 

"Do you have my gun?"

"No, but-"

"Who took my gun?"

"Janis!" Cady shouts before she knows what she's doing. "Janis, look at me."

Janis turns at the sound of her name to face Cady. "What the hell are you doing, Heron? She's got a knife, get away from her!" Regina orders.

"Janis, look at me. In the eyes. Look at me."

Janis's eyes soften slightly. "Lissa?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's me," Cady murmurs softly, reaching out her hand. "Lissa."

"I saved you?"

"You did. I'm fine."

Janis smiles, sweet and innocent, her whole face lighting up. "Lissa, you're alive!"

"Janis, I need you to put the knife down. Just put it down. Nice and slow. Just put it down. You don't need it. No one here is going to hurt you. Just put the knife down."

Slowly, warily, Janis opens her hand, letting the knife fall to the sandy desert floor. Cady reaches out her hand, and Janis takes it cautiously, as if Cady will dissolve before her eyes if she's not careful.

"Janis, listen to me. It's not real. Whatever you're seeing right now, it's not real. You need to come back to me, Janis. Come back to us. It's not real. I know it seems really, really real, but it's not. Just come back to me."

Janis takes a deep breath and shudders, closing her eyes. When she opens them, the terrifying film has disappeared, leaving her eyes huge, chocolate brown, shot through with terror and sorrow and grief, sparkling with unshed tears.

"Oh, God, it happened again, didn't it?" she gasps out, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. "I did it again."

"Janis, it's okay. You can't control it. Everyone's fine."

"Who got hurt this time?" Janis stutters, trying to regain her composure.

"No one," Damian says. "I mean, you kicked me a few times, but no one's hurt."

"I kicked you," Janis says dully. "I kicked you. Oh, God, Damian, your eye's swelling up, I must have hit you, I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Everybody, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Regina sighs, untensing. "But Janis, you've got to work on this. You pulled a knife on us. I want you to give me all the weapons you've got, except your gun. Nothing we can do about that, you need your gun. But knives, lighters, razors, anything that can be a weapon - I'm confiscating on the grounds of you being a danger to yourself and others. Janis, I need you to figure out something to keep this from happening."

Janis pulls her hand out of Cady's. "Okay, Regina. Caddie, did you - did you talk me out of it?"

"I think so. You thought I was someone named Lissa you wanted to save, and I convinced you I was her, and when you put the knife down, I just kinda tried to calm you down, and apparently it worked."

"Lissa?" Janis mumbles dizzily, her eyes filling with tears again. "You - you must have misheard me."

"Janis-"

"I gotta go, I need a minute," Janis manages before she pulls away from Cady and bolts.


	4. Being a Trauma Surgeon Is Stressful And Also Violence Turns Me On

"Damian, who's Lissa?" Cady asks at dinner. Janis is conspicuously missing, her seat glaringly empty.

"That's...complicated," Damian sighs. "Really complicated. And also Janis's story to tell, not mine. You can ask her if you want, but be prepared for her to not tell you, to maybe kinda bite your head off, to be very upset, and to flat-out refuse to talk. Lissa's a...touchy subject, to say the least."

"You don't say," Cady says sarcastically, glancing again at Janis's empty seat, next to Damian. "Can you at least tell me why she thought I was this mystery girl?"

"Well, you look kinda alike," Damian conceded. "Your hair's darker, not blonde, like hers. But the eyes...you're a dead ringer for the eyes, and you're about the same height. For someone in the state of mind Janis was in earlier, you could have been Lissa."

Gretchen's portable comm buzzes angrily and she checks it. "Regina, they want us for a mission," she reports. "Black Jeep, stolen from a village called Batnaya, taken by insurgents believed to be transporting a store of weapons."

"Dammit," Regina mutters. "Where's Janis?"

"I'll find her," Damian offers, pushing his chair back.

"Go," Regina orders. "Everyone else, suit up. Cady, you're with Janis and Damian. He'll have to cover both of you. Karen, get her the trauma pack."

The platform springs into action, leaving Cady standing awkwardly alone, confused and unsure of what to do with herself.

"Suit up," Damian directs, spinning around searching for Janis. "Follow Karen, she'll help you out. Normally I would, but I gotta find Jan."

"Is she gonna be okay to shoot?" Cady asks nervously.

Damian snorts out loud. "If anything, shooting'll clear her up. You've never seen her shoot. It's incredible, it's like...it's incredible. Who did Regina send you to?"

"You," Cady stammers. "And Janis."

"Dammit, Regina," Damian mutters. "I'm a spotter, I've got my hands full keeping Janis alive. Right, get suited up, stick with me and Janis, absolutely do not go within five feet of me, and try not to get killed."

"Why do you have to keep Janis alive?" Cady asks hazily.

"You're about to find out, now, get going!" Damian orders, shoving her towards Karen. 

Cady stumbles after Karen, trying to keep up. The blonde girl tosses her a bulletproof vest like it's made of paper mache, nearly knocking Cady over when she catches it. "Get that on, here's your helmet, but that cross won't save you!" Karen says rapidly, lacing up the vest. Cady nearly collapses under the weight of the vest, her back hunching under the armor. Karen slaps the helmet on her head and shoves a bag into her hands. "This is what you've got to work with out there, use it well, don't waste!" Karen orders. "We'll restock it when we get back, go find Damian!"

Staggering under the weight of the vest, Cady stumbles out, searching for Damian. She finally finds him running towards the hummer, one hand closed around Janis's arm. Janis's vest is half-hanging off, her helmet barely fastened, her hands clenched around her gun. "Where do you want me to kill people today?" Janis asks through gritted teeth, ignoring Damian's efforts to get her gear on right.

"Tree," Regina says without hesitating for a second. "Damian, do your 'keeping-Janis-alive' thing, try to cover Cady too."

"If Cady can be quiet, I'll take her up the tree with me," Janis offers, locking and loading her gun. "Key word is quiet. Make Damian's life a little easier."

"I can definitely be quiet," Cady says immediately.

"Even if Janis blows someone's face off three feet away from your head?" Regina asks. "Cause that's what's gonna happen."

"I can be quiet," Cady says firmly.

"Then go. Janis'll help you up the tree. Sit where she tells you, do what she tells you."

Cady can't help but notice that Janis's eyes are red and puffy. She looks distracted, dazed, and dizzy, and she's not sure if she wants someone who looks like they've recently been sobbing shooting a high-power rifle by her face, but it sounds like her safest option.

Gretchen parks the Hummer behind a wall of rubble. "Go," Regina orders. "Janis, that tree. Damian, you know where to go. Cady, just...do whatever they say."

Janis closes her hand around Cady's arm and drags her out. "Can you climb a tree, trauma girl?" 

"In this vest? I can barely walk."

Janis rolls her eyes and drops to one knee. "Use my leg as a step and go."

Cady hesitates for a moment. Janis scowls, glaring at her. "Trauma girl! Caddie! Go!"

Cady jumps up, using Janis's leg to clamber up the tree. She feels Damian brace his hands on her hips, pushing her up. It's extremely hard, but she manages to climb the trunk. Janis shimmies up behind her effortlessly. "Sit on that branch and cover your ears," Janis orders quietly, pulling her rifle into place over her shoulder. "And if you scream, the next bullet I shoot is going right between your eyes, right before I get killed."

"Got it," Cady yelps quietly, hugging her trauma kit closer to her chest.

An engine roars in the distance, followed by gunshots. "Here we go," Janis mumbles, almost to herself. "Here we go, they're coming, they're coming."

Cady's never seen anyone so tense. Janis's entire body is coiled like a whip, ready to crack at any moment. Her powerful muscles tense under her bulletproof vest, one leg cocked up towards the sky.

Then, in a blaze of motion, Janis's arm jerks, and the shot flies out of the tree, hitting the driver of the stolen hummer full in the face. There's a flash of red, like a watermelon exploding, except so much realer, and then the stolen car is skidding to a stop, a bloody, headless stump of a man limp in the driver's seat.

Like angry wasps driven out of their nest, the insurgents pour out of the car, AK-47s at the ready, but Janis jerks again, and another falls. Like a machine, Janis's arm rhythmically spasms, sending out waves of red, exploding death with every shot.

Her jaw is clenched, her face tight and eyes wild, deep with concentration. She doesn't hesitate, doesn't flinch, and now Cady understands why everyone has made such a big deal of Janis's shooting. 

She also understands why Janis has a spotter, someone dedicated to keeping her alive. She pays absolutely no attention to anything other than her shooting and the carnage she's wreaking on the ground below. Cady could put a gun to her head and Janis wouldn't even glance her way.

Finally, the ground below falls silent, and Janis uncoils. She turns around, her face pale and sallow. 

"Janis...you don't look so good," Cady notes cautiously, reaching out tentatively. 

Janis shoves past her and drops from the trunk of the tree, ignoring the height. Gasping, Cady clambers to the trunk, expecting to see Janis laying limply on the ground. 

Instead, Damian caught her, but what's happening is barely better. Janis is clawing at the strap of her helmet, her gun lying forgotten on the ground, her vest half-off. Damian is rubbing her back soothingly, easing her vest off and unfastening the helmet. The second the heavy vest hits the ground, Janis doubles over, retching,a thin trail of bile dripping from her lips. 

"She does this every time," Karen murmurs out of the corner of her mouth, slipping up to Cady. "Every. Time. No one knows why."

Janis stumbles as she stands up, her body trembling slightly with exhaustion. "Caddie, get her stuff," Damian orders, lifting Janis gently. "Shooting like that takes a lot out of her."

Cady turns around slowly, viewing the mess of bodies around them. All neat shots, every one of them in the head, leaving a trail of faceless, black-robed bodies around them.

Janis, sweet, sassy, sarcastic Janis, did this. 

If Cady had done that, she'd probably be a little weak in the knees too.

She bends down, scooping up Janis's discarded vest and helmet. "Gun too," Damian says.

"I don't-"

"She doesn't know how to handle a gun," Janis murmurs weakly from Damian's arms. "She'll shoot her eye out."

Regina scoops up the gun, sliding it into position next to her own. "Move out," she orders, adjusting her pack across her back. "Cady, Gretchen fell getting into position, check her when we get back to the hummer."

Damian settles into the back, still cradling Janis gently as she rests her head on his chest. "Maybe I should check Janis too," Cady suggests cautiously. "She really doesn't look so good."

"Trust me, Cady, this is nothing new," Regina says. "Worst thing about her, honestly. Every time she gets into any kind of combat situation, she does her job, rips her gear off, throws up everywhere, and then goes...well, like that for the next three hours. Damian's the only one who can get near her. You'll get used to it."

"Okay," Cady mumbles hesitantly, shooting Janis another glance. Damian is murmuring something to her, rocking her gently. As Cady watches, he looks up for a second and smiles apologetically at her, dipping his head towards Janis and shrugging before turning back to her.

Sighing, Cady does her best to put Janis out of her mind and sets to work checking Gretchen for injuries.


	5. I Came In Like a Wrecking Ball

"Jan, this has to stop," Damian says softly, stacking up their gear. "If I get killed out here-"

"You're not getting killed," Janis growls.

"You don't know that. Gretchen almost died today when she fell, if Karen hadn't pulled her away at the last minute..." Damian shakes his head. "The odds are at least one of us isn't making it through this war, Jan. And so I need you to learn how to take care of yourself after something like this, because we don't know how much longer I'll be around to help you."

"Damian, don't say that, please," Janis answers, gripping his hand. "I can't - I can't lose you too."

"When are you gonna tell her?"

"Tell who what?" Janis asks, taken aback.

"Cady, about Lissa, and yes, I'm going to say her name, because you need to be able to hear it without having a breakdown. I've seen how you look at her. How she looks at you. You two like each other, and you could have something really great, but you need to step out of the past and let her know what's going on."

"Have you ever considered she might not want to date someone with my backstory?" Janis asks, blinking sadly at Damian because she can't work up the energy to snarl. "Pretty trauma surgeons from Africa don't date girls from Illinois whose only skill is destroying the people she loves, Damian. They date beautiful blonde girls with big blue eyes that wait at home for them with a pot roast, Damian, or red-headed girls with blazing green eyes that dive into battle right along with them, or hot boys that play football on the varsity team and are also sensitive and kind and smart. They don't date people like me, human wrecking balls with no control of the damage they cause, and you're right, Damian, I do like her, and that's why I'm staying away, because it's the people I love that get hurt the worst."

"Then why do you still stay with me?" Damian asks, pushing her sweaty hair off of her forehead. "Why do you keep me around? You're not a wrecking ball, Jan. What happened wasn't your fault, you know that. It's survivor's guilt, and it's awful, but it doesn't need to ruin your life."

Janis lets him hug her, try to comfort her, and buries her head in his olive green shirt, and tries to pretend that when she comes out, she'll be seventeen again, before anything that led to her being out here happened.

————————————————————————

Cady pulls the kettle off the heat of the burner and pours the contents into a mug. Hesitantly, she carries the hot mug over to where Janis is sitting alone, wrapped in her camouflage jacket.

"Hey," Cady says softly, careful not to startle her.

Janis glances up, averting her eyes as soon as she sees Cady. "Hey."

"I - I brought you this," Cady says, extending the mug of tea cautiously. "Chamomile. It'll help."

The corner of Janis's mouth twitches. "Thanks, Caddie."

Hesitantly, she takes a sip from the mug, sighing a little at the taste of the warm liquid. "Thank you," she says. "For thinking of me." Cady's pretty sure she means it.

Cady slowly sits next to her, fairly close, but respecting her space. She has a feeling that Janis is not the kind of person who appreciates her personal bubble being popped. "How did you learn to do that?" she asks cautiously. "The shooting. You're really good."

Janis's shoulders tense, her walls instantly going up. "Practice, I guess. And 20/20 vision. I'm a good shot with a great scope, that's all."

"Do all snipers get like that after they shoot?" Cady asks, pretty sure Janis is about to rip her head off.

"No," Janis says, stiffening. "No, they don't. Thanks for reminding me, Caddie, that I'm the weird eighteen-year-old sniper that can't even complete a basic mission without nearly fainting, I really needed it pointed out to me again that I'm the weak link. Thanks ever so much."

"I'm sorry," Cady says softly. "I just - I was curious. I didn't know. I'm - I'm sorry...Jan."

"You called me Jan?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did. Should I not? Is that just for Damian or-"

"Caddie," Janis interrupts. "It's okay. I kinda liked it. It's cute."

"Cute?" Cady sighs audibly, relieved.

"Caddie, you don't need to be afraid of me." Janis slowly closes her hand over Cady's, her warm fingers sending tingles up Cady's arm like little bolts of lightning. "I'm human, a normal person, just one that can shoot a gun. I'm not going to hurt you. You don't need to be any more scared of me than you'd be of anyone else in this camp, okay?"

"Okay," Cady breathes, folding her hand into Janis's. "I - I'll try not to be."

Janis gives her a little smile, leaving her hand in Cady's. Slowly, giving Janis plenty of time to move away, she leans over and rests her head on the other girl's shoulder, relaxing when Janis doesn't even flinch. Instead, she leans into Cady, their fingers still locked together.

As much as Cady would love to kiss her right now, she knows she'll ruin it all if she does. Janis isn't ready, so instead she sinks further into the other girl's warm, soft yet muscled body and closes her eyes, enjoying the scent of paint and lemon shampoo coming from the jacket.


	6. Conversely To What Your Teacher Says, Chemistry Isn't Always Enough

After dinner, Cady steels herself and walks briskly to Janis's tent, hoping she's not about to end up on the wrong end of a sniper rifle. She knows it's not her place to pry, but Karen's right, she does like Janis, she does have chemistry with her, and she doesn't want her to be hurting alone, and she'd also really like to know about this Lissa girl and why Janis is so intent on saving her.

"Jan?" she calls softly from outside the tent. "It's Cady."

"Go away!"

"I'm not gonna do that. We need to talk."

There's a quiet sniffle, then a mumbled "fine." Cady takes that as permission to enter and steps through the flap.

Janis's tent is beautiful. Every spare inch of canvas has been decorated with paintings, little sketches and figure that pop out like surprises from every corner and shadow. There's not much in it. A small cot with an olive green sleeping bag stands in the center, the bars of the cot decorated with photos. Most of them are of Janis and Damian, making ridiculous faces and goofy poses, but a few are of a family, a stern-faced father, a harried-looking mother, and a little girl with long brown hair and gigantic brown eyes that Cady recognizes after a moment as Janis.

Janis is curled on the floor of her tent next to the cot, knees bent up to her chest, hugging her pillow. Her face is red and tear-stained, the pillow noticeably damp.

"You've been crying," Cady states, sitting next to her.

"No shit, Sherlock," Janis mumbles harshly, wiping at her eyes.

"I think you know what I'm going to ask you."

"Let me guess, you want to know who -" Janis's face scrunches up and she chokes briefly, but gets the name out all the same "-Lissa is?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice. I want to make sure you're okay, because you're pretty clearly hurting, Jan, and I may not have known you for long, but I don't want you to be hurting."

Janis sighs, puffing out a breath of frustration. "Caddie, it's - it's fucking complicated, a lot more complicated than you think, and you're going to think a lot less of me if you know."

Cady hesitantly leans in and presses her lips to Janis's cheek, only for a second, but long enough to send tingles through her lips and into her whole body.

"What - was that for?" Janis mumbles dizzily.

"To show you that nothing you say will make me think less of you," Cady says sweetly. "Now, spill. Tell me."

Janis sighs again. "I was fourteen years old when Lissa Rose Sloane came into my life. She was my age, but a thousand times bolder, braver, more mature. And she could, oh God, she could shoot like hell.

"Lissa and I started dating on my fifteenth birthday, three weeks before she hit fifteen herself. She came up to me, told me she had a birthday present for me, something she'd been meaning to give me for a long time, and kissed me. She looked a lot like you, honestly. Her hair was blonder, like golden blonde, not like Regina's, more like cornbread. That color, and her eyes..." Janis exhales deeply. "I could have looked into her eyes for a million years and never gotten tired of them. Like yours. Huge, blue, cerulean eyes with these long, gorgeous lashes. Everyone always asked her what mascara she used, and never believed her when she told them it wasn't mascara at all.

"We dated for two years," Janis says shakily, staring determinedly at the wall. "We were on our two-year anniversary, my eighteenth birthday, when...Caddie, you heard about the Sears Tower attack, right?"

"The one by Al-Qaeda, nearly six hundred people died," Cady remembers.

"Lissa was one of them," Janis says bitterly, her throat hitching as tears well in her eyes. "One second I'm holding my girlfriend's hand, walking along the street, laughing, I'm about to tell her something stupid, some dumb joke to make her giggle, and then she shoves me, and all of a sudden I'm lying under a pickup truck covered in blood that's not mine."

She hears Cady gasp, struck speechless, horrified. But she plows on ahead, knowing if she stops now, she'll never get through it. "She saw the bomb coming, God knows how, and pushed me out of the way. She was vaporized instantly. One second there, then...boom," Janis shudders, the building tears threatening to spill over. "I was never going to enlist. Damian wanted to the second he heard about 9/11, and Lissa...Lissa loved to shoot. She wanted to be a sniper, she was going to enlist as soon as she hit eighteen. I used to joke that I'd be the loyal one sitting back home, sending care packages and wringing my hands, knitting sweaters like an old grandma." Janis chokes back a sob, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. "But when they killed Lissa, I had to do something. I signed up three weeks later, on her birthday. I announced I was going to be a sniper and I wouldn't take no for an answer. Turns out I'm a pretty damn good shot. But that's why...why I can't shoot without getting sick. It makes me think about her, about how she should be shooting, not me, about how she should be alive."

Janis wipes frantically at her eyes, soaking off the tears. "Anyway, that's my sob story," she manages, forcing a smile. "Now here comes the bit where you mumble something about being sorry and run as far as possible in the opposite direction."

"I'm not gonna do that," Cady replies, hesitantly taking Janis's hand. "Jan, I don't think any less of you than I did before. What, did you think I was gonna shame you for not enlisting our of some great patriotism? Jan, I became a trauma surgeon because I was in a car crash when I was eight and my older brother died in front of me. I wanted to be able to save lives, Jan, not defend my country or anything like that. Everyone joins up for their own reasons.

"I like you, Jan, I like you a lot," Cady persists, forging ahead. "I think you like me too, and I'd really like it if I could have a chance with you, because I care about you, and I want you to be happy, and...I'd like a chance, Jan."

Janis wipes her eyes again, cracking a weak smile. "Caddie, I - you're right. I do like you, kind of a lot, actually. I really do. But Caddie, I'm...I'm not ready to love someone else yet, I'm just not. Especially not out here, where any of us could die at any time, where we're just in constant danger, where if I let myself love you, I'm almost certain to lose you. I like you Caddie, I really do, and I'm not saying never, I'm saying...not right now. Just...I can't, not yet. Wait for me, Caddie?"

Cady sighs, lowering her head. "I'll wait for you, Jan, as long as you need." Slowly, she takes Janis's hand and presses a soft kiss, barely a brush of her lips, to the back. Then she's gone, leaving Janis alone with her thoughts.


	7. This Is So Sad Alexa Play Sexy

"We've got a situation!" Regina barks, Gretchen trailing after her with the portable comm. "Al-Qaeda insurgents headed our way, stolen vehicle, mass weapon stores, and what is believed to be several IEDs! Aaron, you're defusing. Karen, Cady, get ready for some serious traumas. Janis, I need you to get your shit together. I don't care what you have to do, but this is going to be a long day with a lot of shooting and you cannot have a breakdown. Damian, we can't spare you to cover Janis today. We need you on the ground with me, Shane, Aaron, and Gretchen. The four of us are going to be right in the thick of it. Are we all clear?"

Shouts of affirmation spring up from around the camp. "You ready, trauma girl?" Janis asks, slinging an arm over Cady's shoulders. "This is your big day."

"I'm scared," Cady confesses. "What if I kill someone?"

"If someone dies, then you tried your best to save them and they were too badly hurt," Janis says firmly. "Suit up, and do you have anything I can take to keep me from - you know."

"Nothing I can give you if you're going to shoot," Cady says sympathetically, squeezing her arm. "You'll be fine, okay? You're strong. I believe in you."

"Why?" Janis asks jokingly. "A horrible decision, really."

"Hey, just in case, you have your own special delivery trauma surgeon to patch you up," Cady says with a smile. She's not sure what she and Janis are, exactly, but they seem to be friends, at least, and they're getting along, and Janis is bantering with her, so she decides not to question it.

"You two! Cut out the gay shit!" Regina shouts. "Get going!"

"Aww, Regina, I thought there was gonna be some girl on girl there in a minute!" Shane complains.

Janis shrugs. "Told you he's an ass."

Cady suits up, grabbing her trauma kit as Karen stocks up another case. "How bad is it gonna be?" she asks Karen as she buckles on her helmet.

"IEDs, pretty nasty," Karen calls back, clipping up her vest. "Get ready for a serious trauma."

"Great," Cady mutters under her breath, swinging the trauma bag over her shoulder. "I'm ready if you are."

The platform piles into the Hummer, Regina taking the driver's seat with Gretchen perched next to her. "Guns ready," Regina orders. "Cady and Karen are top priority. We need them alive the most. Damian, cover Cady. Shane, you're on Karen. Let's move."

Regina is not a very good driver, but she's a fast one. The Hummer plows forward without stopping, over rocks, branches, bushes, and lizards alike. "Do you have to be so rough?" Cady calls, wincing as a massive jolt cracks her head against the back of her seat.

Janis snorts. "Regina? Not drive like a bat out of hell? That'll be the day."

"Regina drove straight over a turtle once and almost threw Jan headfirst out of the Hummer," Damian adds. "If I hadn't grabbed her she would have gotten a lobotomy the hard way."

"There's an easy way?" Cady asks, tucking a strand of hair into her helmet.

"Well, there's a lot to be said for the ice pick," Janis says, pretending to think about it. "Personally I prefer the scalpel method, but-"

"Would you fools shut up and start thinking about something relates to your jobs?" Regina snarls. "We're in a war zone here!"

"Well, sorry we're not acting like we're at a funeral!" Janis snaps back. "If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die laughing!"

Bang.

Two feet in front of Cady, an explosion of red, like a deep scarlet firework, and then Karen is slumped over, her blue eyes glassy and dull, staring sightlessly up at the sky.

"Shit!" Regina shrieks, slamming on the brakes. "Go, go, go!"

Cady suddenly is smashed into the seat, the smell of paint filling her nose, a strong hand shoving her shoulder. "Stay down," Janis hisses. "Don't die on me, Caddie."

And then she's gone, leaping out of the truck after Damian and the others.

Cady obeys silently, shaking. Something warm and wet is dripping onto her hand and she's pretty sure it's Karen's blood but if she looks she'll know for sure and she can't handle being covered in Karen's blood right now.

She can hear Regina shouting orders, gunshots ringing out, an earth-shattering sound like an explosion, shrieks, cries, shouts, yelling.

She feels like a coward, hiding under a seat while her friends fight for their lives, but she's the only person who can treat their injuries left and she knows she needs to stay alive, which doesn't wash away any of the guilt.

At the sound of a familiar cry, she jumps, tears tracking down her cheeks, because it sounds like Janis screaming and if Janis is screaming it's bad and what if she dies while Cady is still waiting and Karen's blood is still dripping down onto her and Cady buries her head in the seat, covering her ears and trying to block out the gunshots.

And then someone is shaking her roughly, shouting at her, and she realizes it's Damian, but she can see his mouth moving but the words are garbled like he's talking from inside a fishbowl.

Suddenly, his hand hits her across the face, snapping her out of it. "Come on!" He shouts, dragging her over to the rest of the platform.

Janis is propped up against a tree, pale and shaky but not in imminent danger, there's only a bit of shrapnel in her shoulder. Cady finds herself automatically triaging as she views the scene, taking in injuries and ranking them. "Get Karen's kit," she orders Damian, looking around.

Gretchen is bleeding from her forehead and showing signs of a concussion. Shane's been shot in the arm. Aaron has a bullet embedded in his leg. Damian is okay. Karen is dead.

And then she sees Regina.

Regina is laying on her stomach, a round hole in her spine. She's been shot in the back. "Regina's first priority," Cady says, strangely calm. This is what she was trained to do. This is her job. "Damian, can you keep Gretchen awake, talking, and try to stop the bleeding? I need to focus on Regina."

"Yeah," Damian mumbles, staring at Regina's prone figure. "On it."

"Jan," Cady says. "I know you're hurt but I need your help. You're my best bet for this. I need you to hold her down and talk to her while I get the bullet out."

Janis pushes herself up, one hand presses to the gaping wound in her shoulder, and limps over, gasping slightly with every step. "Triage isn't kind to shrapnel," Cady apologizes. "You'll be last."

"'S okay," Janis manages, her eyes full with pain. "Caddie, we gotta move, the cars are loaded with gunpowder, Aaron couldn't get one of the IEDs defused, we're basically inside a minefield-"

"If we want Regina to ever walk again, we need to treat her now," Cady says firmly. "Just help me, okay?"

Janis nods shakily and takes Regina's hand. "Hey, Gina," she says, squeezing her fingers. "You gotta live, okay? Who else is going to run this disaster platform?"

Regina moans softly, in so much pain she can't even hear straight. "Gina, come on," Janis says, bracing her legs over the girl to hold her still. "Caddie's going for the bullet now, hang on."

Cady goes for the bullet. Immediately Regina thrashes against Janis, shrieking at the top of her lungs. Cady ignores it, digging for the bullet.

Clang. The bullet hits the metal tin, and Regina relaxes, sobbing in pain. "I'm going to stabilize it," Cady mutters. "We'll have to carry her on a sheet of wood or something. How's Damian getting along with Gretchen?"

"She's not bleeding anymore," Janis pants, her face tight with pain. "Fucking loopy though."

"I'm a bird!" Gretchen giggles, flapping her arms weakly. "Wheeeee!"

"Shit, that's bad," Cady mumbles. "Damian, do me a favor and see if you can find exit wounds for the GSWs in Shane and Aaron. Jan, how's your shoulder?"

"Going numb," Janis responds. "Like dead weight. But livable."

"I'll take a look after I plug Regina's GSW with gauze."

Cady works quickly, methodically. This is something she can control, something she can handle. She's good at trauma. The stress clears her brain.

When Regina's wound is plugged, she probes Janis's shoulder gently with skilled fingers. "You have at least four massive pieces of shrapnel in there," Cady mutters. "You just went up on my triage list. This is going to hurt like hell."

"Get it out," Janis orders. "Do whatever you need to do."

"Guys!"

"What?" Cady calls back to Aaron.

"Guys, guys we need to go, we need to get out of here before-"

As the wave of white heat rolls over Cady, the last thing she hears is Karen's voice, in the medical tent, before a bullet tore through her chest: boom.


	8. A Liquor Store Or Two Keeps the Gas Tank Full (NOT THAT WE HAVE ANY CARS LEFT)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't understand the title, listen to the song "Demolition Lovers" by My Chemical Romance. That song is the inspiration for this AU.

"Caddie! Caddie, wake up! Caddie, Caddie, come on, don't be dead, also don't be injured because I have no idea what to do about that, but mainly don't be dead, come on, Caddie, Caddie, wake up!"

Cady opens her eyes blearily, wincing at the strength of her headache. "What happened?" she mumbles.

"Oh thank God," Janis sighs. "You're okay. The cars exploded, the enemy car blew up and caught the gas tank of ours on fire. It's pretty serious. You seem to be okay, and I didn't even pass out, my ears are just ringing and I mean, I still have shrapnel in my arm, but I covered Regina as best I could, she's out but seems to be stable. Her pulse is even, at least. Gretchen got knocked out again, I'm worried about her head, it reopened the cut and she was loopy before. Damian's pretty burned, but I think he'll be okay. Shane got knocked backward, he's pretty banged up, but just bruises and scrapes."

"Aaron?"

Janis's face hardens. "You might not want to look at Aaron, or what's left of him. I almost threw up when I went to see if he was still alive."

"What happened to him?" Cady asks, feeling a sense of dull, numb dread filling her veins like lead.

"He was trying to stabilize the cars when it happened. His legs were literally turning to ash by his feet, his hair got burned off, and oh God, his eyes..." Janis shudders for a moment. "He..." Her voice breaks. "He's gone, Caddie. He was still vaguely alive when I got to him, but I-"

"Jan?"

"I shot him, Caddie. I shot him in the head." Janis swallows hard, holding back the tears threatening to spill over. "He's dead. He needed to be dead, trust me. He - he needed to be dead."

"Jan, it's okay. I trust you. Where's Regina? I need to check her."

"She's over there," Janis says, clearing her throat unsteadily. "I had to move her, Caddie, I know that's probably bad, but the fire was getting close, she was going to catch on fire, I had to-"

"Jan. I need you to help me. You are the only one here that is not hurt except for the shrapnel. I need you to get your head on straight and help me."

"I don't heal, people, Caddie, I destroy them!" Janis wails, eyes panicked. "I'm a sniper, Caddie, I kill people, I hurt them, that's what I do, I hurt people, I'll just kill someone else, you don't want me, Caddie-"

"Jan. Jan, I need you. I need you, right now, because we are surrounded by injured people. You saved Regina's life. If she'd gotten hit by that explosion it would have killed her. Now how bad is your arm?"

"It hurts," Janis mutters, flushing with embarrassment over her miniature breakdown. "Still kinda numb. I can handle it. Damian and Regina are way worse."

"I hate triage," Cady mumbles. "Okay, Jan, this is burn salve. Can you gently work this into any pinkish burns on Damian? And tell me if there's any charring or white, yellow, or black skin. Make sure he's not in shock."

Dazedly, Janis stumbles off, clutching the salve, to treat Damian. "Regina?" Cady asks softly, tapping the commander's shoulder. "Regina?"

Regina moans softly, her fingers flexing ever so slightly. "Okay, good," Cady says. "I'm gonna do some tests, see if we've got any paralysis, okay?"

Regina groans, curling all her fingers down except for one particular finger. "Friendly," Cady teases. "All right, I'm going to do stuff. Tell me if you can feel it."

Cady taps her way down Regina's leg with a small stick. "Why'd you stop?" Regina manages when Cady gets below her knee.

"I didn't," Cady says softly. "Let me try again. Anything?"

"No. Is that bad?"

"It could heal," Cady says after a moment. "But you could lose some function in that leg. Let me check the other side."

"I can't feel anything!" Regina complains.

"Shit. Regina, don't panic."

"What?" Regina asks, her voice trembling. 

"I'm seeing some chance for paralysis here. Could be temporary. Maybe...maybe not."

"I cannot be paralyzed, Cady Heron, I cannot be paralyzed!"

"You might not be. I don't know. You're going to have a long, painful healing process, but you might not be paralyzed. I'm going to put a splint on your spine, and then...I guess I'll send someone back to the base to go get another car, because I don't think there's anyone left who can carry you."

"What? We only lost Karen."

Cady jabs Regina with a morphine injection. "Aaron too. In the explosion.

"Shit." Cady can't see Regina's face, but she gets the feeling that the blonde commander is holding back tears. "How did he-"

"He got burned, in the explosion. Really badly. He wasn't going to make it."

"Janis shot him," Regina finishes bitterly. "Didn't she?"

"Yeah," Cady says lamely. "She did."

Regina exhales heavily, her breaths catching in her throat. "I'm gonna go check on Damian, Gretchen, Jan, and Shane," Cady says finally. "The morphine should kick in in a moment. Try to rest."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five hours later, Cady is absolutely exhausted, holding Janis's arm steady as she fishes out the shrapnel.

Shane walked back and got the other Hummer. They loaded Regina in the back, still prone and very high on drugs, put Gretchen, who's still loopy and dizzy and showing signs of severe concussion, in the middle with Damian, who's moderately burned, and Shane, who still has a bullet in his arm. Cady drove, Janis, still cradling her shrapnel-filled arm, seated in the passenger's seat.

Janis has been remarkably patient, pushing aside her own pain to help Cady. Shane and Damian went out to retrieve the bodies to be sent home. Gretchen is sound asleep, her head bandaged. It's just them now, and Cady is going for the metal shards in her shoulder.

"Funeral," Janis murmurs. "The last thing Karen heard was a funeral joke. I made a funeral joke and then she died."

"That wasn't your fault. Karen's death was awful," Cady says softly. "But it was unavoidable. There was no way we could have seen it coming."

"Did it - did it hurt her?" Janis asks, her deep brown eyes wide with pain and grief, more sorrow in them than Cady has ever seen. "Did it hurt?"

"As best scientists know...she was in pain for a few seconds at most," Cady says gently. "The bullet hit her in the heart. It tore through her aorta and ripped open the chambers of her heart. She - she wouldn't have lasted long."

Janis nods slowly, shakily. "Why Karen?" she says finally. "Karen never hurt a fly. She's - was - the sweetest thing. She was so, so dumb, but so, so sweet, and kind, and...she was Karen. Karen Smith, and she wasn't the one that deserved to die."

"Sometimes that happens," Cady says gently. "My brother, Charlie, was thirteen when the van we were in crashed. He was impaled on the door. Imagine. How did it even happen? But it did, and it was insane, and awful, and unfair, and it happened. And I had to deal with it. But Jan, you knew her. You knew what she was like. She loved everything. She loved living. She loved helping people. We have to live for her, Jan. We have to have lives for her, because she didn't get the chance."

Janis winces as a piece of shrapnel comes out of her shoulder, clattering into the metal tin. "Caddie, I was going to tell you. Karen and Aaron both died today. They're dead. Anything they wanted to do, all their plans...they're gone. And Aaron's fiance, John, and Karen's mom and sisters are going to get the worst news of their lives tomorrow. I don't want that to be us, Caddie. I don't want to wait for you when you're right next to me and then one of us dies because I'm an idiot. I want to live now, Caddie, and love now, and stop waiting, because if you wait, maybe someone will shoot you in the heart or blow up your car or - or set off a bomb on the street you're walking on. I want you, Caddie. I want you."

Cady blinks for a second, unsure if she's heard Janis correctly. Slowly, she cups Janis's chin in her hand and tilts her head up, angling her mouth toward Janis's, giving the other girl plenty of time and space to reject her.

Instead Janis closes the gap, pressing their lips together sweetly. Her lips taste like sweat and dust and blood. The kiss only lasts for a few seconds, but it's a few seconds of heaven.

Janis sits back, her eyes tearing up. "Caddie..." she whimpers, taking Cady's hand. Cady pulls her into her arms, being careful to avoid her bad shoulder, and presses a kiss to the top of Janis's head, holding her tightly as she cries quietly. Janis's head is resting on her shoulder, and one of her hands is entwined with Cady's, and the deep sense of peace that usually only accompanies trauma surgery fills Cady's spirit like water in a rain gauge. Holding Janis feels natural, and their bodies fit perfectly together, two puzzle pieces created specifically to join.

Is this what it feels like to find your soulmate?


	9. Snow Falls On Desert Sky (But Not Literally That'd Be Weird)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously go check out Demolition Lovers (the song) if you haven't already because it's my jam and it also makes this fic way better if you've listened to it.

"Caddie," a gentle voice whispers, strands of hair tickling her nose. "Wake up, Caddie."

Cady blinks open her eyes, wincing at the amount of light. "Something's wrong with Gretchen," Janis says, her face tight with worry. "It's...bad. Weird."

"What happened, she was concussed, but she should have been fine, just a little dizzy and some pain," Cady says frantically, snatching up her kit. "What is it?"

"Her memory's gone to shit. Damian's told her four times Karen's - Karen's dead, and she reacts the same way every time. She makes it a few minutes, and then, boom, 'Where's Karen? I have to tell her something' again."

"How? How did this happen? She was trauma-free, she was fine-"

"Well, she's not now, can you figure out why? We can't lose Gretchen too. We need our communicator."

Janis's eyes are sunken and glassy, the usual tawny, chocolate-and-honey color dulled to a deep, muddy brown. "Jan, are you-"

"Caddie. Gretchen. Now. Please." Janis pushes herself up onto her toes and pecks her on the lips. 

"Okay, okay," Cady relents, holding back a smile at the touch of Janis's lips to her own. "I'm going."

"I need to tell Karen something!" Gretchen insists. "Can you find her?"

"Gretch," Damian says gently, his face exhausted and tight with pain from his burns. "Karen's gone. She was killed in an attack."

"No, no, no! No, she can't be! She can't be dead! I have to tell her something!"

"Gretchen," Cady says softly. "I'm gonna take a look at you, okay?"

"When will Karen be here? I need to tell her something!"

"Mm, Karen's not here right now," Cady says, lying through her teeth, forcing herself to smile even as the urge to cry wells up in her. "She's out, on a trip. I can send someone after her to tell her, if you want. What is it?"

"I want to tell her!" Gretchen insists. "I have to tell her!"

"You can't. You're hurt. But I'll send Jan to go tell her, if you want."

Damian gives her a questioning look, raising an eyebrow. Cady shrugs in return.

"Fine, fine. Tell Janis to tell Karen that I loved her back, even if I was too stubborn to admit it. Too scared. And I should have kissed back."

Gretchen sinks into herself, resting her head on her knees. Suddenly, her eyes fog over, and when they clear again, they're blank and empty. "Where's Karen? I need to tell her something."

Cady and Damian share exhausted looks. "Gretchen, take this," Cady says finally. "It'll make Karen come."

Gretchen willingly swallows the tranquilizer, and within a minute, she's out, tucked in her sleeping bag. "Well," Damian says heavily. "Shit."

"Shit," Cady agrees. "I'm praying to God this is just grief-related, that Gretchen will snap out of it as she gets used to Karen being gone, but...I don't know."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I know it hurts, Gina," Janis coaxes, squeezing the blonde commander's hand as Cady guides her legs through PT. Regina is regaining motion in her less-paralyzed leg, but all she can do is flail it about wildly, leaving it up to Cady to force her muscles into controlled movements. Janis is the only person Regina will allow to comfort her during the painful workouts. 

"Come on, just a few more minutes," Janis encourages, holding her hand tightly. "You can do it, Gina."

With a grunt of exertion, Regina kicks her leg with renewed vigor, biting the stick Cady gave her to prevent her from cracking her teeth. "And...time!" Cady calls. She lowers Regina's leg gently. "Let's check your other one."

"It's not better," Regina groans through clenched teeth, squeezing Janis's hand. "I've tried, believe me. I've tried."

"I'll just work it a bit to keep your muscles up," Cady says, forcing her tone to be light. "Try to kick for me? Please?"

"Please, Gina," Janis adds, squeezing her hand.

With a sigh, Regina screws up her face in concentration and tenses, trying to move. Nothing.

"Okay," Cady says. "That's okay. This is very early in. You still have a pretty good shot of getting your motion back."

"You can't do surgery?" Janis asks.

"I theoretically could, but that's a job for a neurosurgeon. I'm a trauma girl. I keep you alive till they get you up to the big, fancy guys in their fancy specialties. I could paralyze the rest of her if I tried."

Janis sighs. "I know, it's just-"

"It sucks that I can't move my leg." Regina finishes. "Especially because Janis had a great time with my legs moving in all sorts of interesting ways, remember?"

Janis's face hardens. "Gina-"

"I'm sorry," Regina sighs. "I didn't mean that and I shouldn't have said it. It's just - I'm in a lot of pain, and I can't move my leg, and it's making me snap."

"It's okay," Janis sighs, releasing her hand. "It's okay."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janis and Cady casually link hands, going for a walk together over the flat stretches of sand. "We can't go too far," Janis says cautiously. "We'd get lost out here."

"Not too far," Cady echoes, smiling into her huge, albeit lackluster, brown eyes. "What was that all about, with Regina?"

Janis sighs heavily, looking at the ground. "I'm not proud of it. I'd just gotten out here, and Regina was hot, and I was scared, and stressed, and we - we had a thing. It was a one night stand, it was hard to tell who regretted it more in the morning. But...yeah. About six months ago, I slept with Regina. You're probably mad at me now."

"I'm not mad," Cady says softly, touching Janis's high, sculpted cheekbone with her thumb. "I was just curious. I don't really care about what you did with Regina, unless you did it again, now."

"Of course not," Janis says, laughing a little. "I'm over Regina, if you can be over somewhere you were never really into in the first place."

"So, Jan, I hate to be the super cliche one, but...what are we?" Cady asks, lifting their entwined hands.

"Mm...I like girlfriends," Janis says, smiling at Cady sweetly, revealing her teeth. Cady can see a chip in her front tooth, which makes her all the more adorable. "Girlfriends sounds nice. Can we be girlfriends?"

"I'd love to be girlfriends," Cady says. "I'd absolutely love to be girlfriends."

They settle against a sand dune, Janis's head resting on Cady's shoulder, the gun laying a few feet away. "Wanna play hide and seek?" Cady teases, poking Janis's shoulder.

"Why not?" Janis responds, pressing a quick kiss to Cady's lips. "Count to twenty, I'm hiding!"

"One...two...three..." Cady counts, her eyes closed.

She's on eighteen when she hears the footsteps. "Jan, honey, this isn't how this game works," she teases. "I can hear you."

Then a low, husky male voice says something in Arabic. Cady doesn't know what it means, but when she opens her eyes and sees the rifle pointed at her chest at point-blank range, she gets a pretty good idea.

Her scream splits the crisp evening air like an axe splitting a log.


	10. I'd End My Days With You In a Hail of Bullets (But I'd Really Prefer Not To)

The man says something harshly in Arabic, aiming the rifle directly at Cady's heart. 

Janis has the gun. And God knows where Janis is. Cady is going to die, right here, right now, and then Janis...Janis will find her, and go through that hell again. 

Maybe Janis heard her scream. Maybe she's coming.

And then more men step out, identically dressed, all in black, all holding the same weapons. Cady closes her eyes, not wanting to see the bullet tear through her.

"Caddie!"

With a crack, the sniper rifle goes off, Janis leaping from over the top of the massive dune like a ninja, already aiming her gun to fire again.

Face intense with protective anger, Janis charges headfirst into battle, eyes ablaze and gun ready. Cady's never been so happy to see her angry. One of the men is already down, and another crumples as Janis lands, firing another shot as she does. Her aim is flawless.

Cady's never seen Janis shoot in close-combat before, but it's mesmerizing. She flings herself effortlessly out of the way of the bullets, dropping and ducking at just the right moments, her hair whipping around her face. 

Janis may be a sniper at heart, but she wouldn't be out of place in a sword-fighting match.

Gasping for breath, Janis turns to Cady. "You okay, love?"

"I'm fine," Cady pants, falling into Janis's arms. "Just scared the hell out of me."

"I'll always protect - agh!" Janis's knees buckle as the rapport of the gun shoots through the air. Cady just barely catches her, easing her to the ground and snatching up the gun she let fall. 

With shaking hands, Cady cradles the weapon the way she's seen Janis hold it, searching for whoever is out there and shooting at them.

She turns away from Janis, for one second, to survey the area behind them, searching for the invisible sniper.

The strangled cry splits the air in that second.

Cady spins on her heel, her trembling finger hovering over the trigger, staring at the man who's trying to choke Janis to death.

"Caddie - shoot -" Janis manages, her lips going blue. "Shoot-"

Cady should shoot, she should shoot him, it's her job, he'll kill Janis if she doesn't, she has to shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot him. Shoot this man, this living, breathing human, with guts and morals and principles and a family and people who will grieve when they hear he was killed, that some little white girl, a scrap of a thing, put a bit of lead in his brain. Shoot this man, break her oath, her vow to "Do No Harm," she'll harm him if she does-

"Caddie - shoot!" Janis gasps out, her face turning blue, and all Cady can think is that she can't lose Janis too, and then she aims the gun, closes her eyes so she doesn't see the light go out of his eyes, and fires.

"Where - where did he shoot you?" Cady gasps, hyperventilating. She's aware that she looks ridiculous, but Janis is bleeding and a man is dead by her hand and everything feels a little ridiculous right now.

"Leg," Janis pants, her eyes closed, her breathing shallow. "He's a lousy shot. Hit my shin though. I heard the bone crack."

Cady, her fingers shaking like cobwebs in the wind, probes the gaping, bleeding hole gently, flinching every time Janis gasps in pain. "Caddie," Janis breathes. "I have a bullet in my shin. Can you please, please have your first-kill breakdown later? I'll help you through it later, but please...just fix my leg now."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. It just-"

"Caddie." Janis takes her hand, squeezing it tightly. "I know. This is my job, remember? I will help you later, but I need you to help me first. Come on, Caddie, this is your job."

"Yeah. Jan, I don't want to scare you, but this leg could be stiff, arthritic, or immobile for the rest of your life. I'm going to get you back to camp, do surgery, take it out, try to repair the bone, but...be prepared."

Janis exhales heavily. "...okay. I'll worry about that later. I cannot worry about anything else right now. How are we getting back to camp?"

"I can't carry you," Cady admits. "I'd drop you. You're gonna have to let me bandage it, then let me support you back."

Janis swallows doubtfully. "I don't know if I can make it."

"You have to. Jan, you have to make it." Cady cups a hand under her chin and kisses her softly. "You will make it, and we will get back to camp, and we will get back home. Okay?"

Janis nods unsteadily, wincing as Cady packs her wound with gauze and adds a wrap to hold it all in place. "Arm around my shoulder," Cady says gently, helping Janis rise.

Immediately, she stumbles over her bad leg, moaning in pain. "Caddie..."

"I know," Cady murmurs, trying to support her better. "I know, but we've got to get you back. Just to camp, it's not far."

Janis moans in response, leaning heavily on Cady. "I don't think I can make it," she gasps out, her leg dragging behind her.

"You can make it. You can do it. Come on, walk. I won't let you fall."

Hesitantly, Janis takes a tiny step, biting back a groan as her bad leg bounces off the sandy floor. Cady goes with her, one arm around her waist and the other keeping Janis's arm steady around her shoulders. "We'll get you back," Cady breathes, helping her take another slow, agonizing step. "We'll get you there."

It feels like centuries of slow, painful limping before Janis is resting on the table, her face sweaty and pale, eyes closed and breathing shallow. "I'm gonna put you under, Jan," Cady says softly, stroking her hair. "As soon as I get Damian in here to help me. We're going to do our best for your leg, all right?"

Janis nods unsteadily, moaning in pain. Cady kisses her forehead quickly and runs for Damian.

Fortunately, Damian acts first and asks questions later. He follows Cady without panic to the medical tent, where Janis is already on the table. "We're putting you under now, Jan," Cady says gently, brushing her hair off her face. "You're gonna be okay. I'm gonna take care of you."

Janis nods, her breaths coming in shallow, pained gasps. Cady presses a mask over her face, watching as her girlfriend's face relaxes slowly. "She's out," she tells Damian. "You're gonna have to be my scrub nurse. Ten blade."

Damian hands it to her, wincing as Cady slices into Janis's leg. "I assume you want me to keep checking her vitals?"

"Please. Particularly her BP, apparently that has a tendency to drop, according to her chart."

"It's already dropping," Damian notes. "She's going hypotensive fast. What do you want to do?"

"Okay, push one of norepinephrine and monitor her closely. Three-inch tweezers."

"BP's down," Damian notes, handing her the tweezers. "Spiking back up, though."

"Do we have a crisis or not?"

"Not at the moment."

"Good. The bullet shattered into her shin bone, I'm going to have to pull out the fragments. Heart rate?"

"Stable. Breathing's better too. I'll hold her leg down."

Cady digs in with her tweezers, fishing for the scrap of metal in her girlfriend's leg. "Come on, Jan," she murmurs, tugging harder. "We've got to get you through this."

"BP just dropped like a roller coaster!" Damian yelps, scrambling for the norepinephrine. "I'll push another one?"

"Two," Cady responds. "Let's try to get her off the table ASAP, I don't like this hypotension stuff. I've got the biggest fragment, just a few more to go."

"Heartbeat just dropped to forty BPM!" Damian shouts. "Breathing's irregular, BP's down, and her temp's skyrocketing!"

"Push - push one of epi!" Cady decides. "Give her that and get a local anesthetic ready, I'm pulling her out from under the general, she's crashing on it!"

"She can't do local, she's allergic," Damian responds. "You're either gonna have to do it on her awake and feeling, or now!"

"Shit!"


	11. I'll See Your Eyes, And In This Pool of Blood (Which Is Alarmingly Large)

"It's your call, Caddie!" Damian yells, pushing the epi. "What are you going to do?"

Cady closes her eyes, thinking. Awake or asleep, awake or asleep, awake or asleep. "Pull her out," she says finally. "We'll do it on her awake, on some serious pain meds."

"Are we going to have something strong enough?"

"We have to. She'll never make it under the general."

Damian pulls the mask off Janis's face. "Should I wake her up artificially?"

"Give her half a cc of epi and see what happens."

Damian pushes the epi and Janis shudders a little, her eyelids fluttering. Slowly, they blink open, revealing huge pupils, shot with pain and terror. She cries out, thrashing. Damian pins her down with his arm, but she resists him, adrenaline from the agony and fear coursing through her bloodstream.

Cady grabs the morphine and injects her with as much as she dares, twenty ccs. "Shh," she murmurs, pressing a kiss to Janis's forehead and stroking her hair comfortingly while they wait for the pain medication to take its effect. "Shh, I know, I know it's scary, but it'll stop hurting soon, I promise..."

Slowly, Janis's tense muscles relax, her pupils shrinking back to normal size. "Hey," Cady says softly. "You were crashing under the general anesthetic, and you're allergic to local, so we're gonna have to do the surgery on the morphine. I need you to hold still, okay, no matter how much it hurts. We'll cover your eyes so that you can't see, okay? I need you to be brave for me. We have to get the bullet out of your leg."

Janis nods breathlessly, her face relaxed from the drugs. Cady lays a towel over her eyes and nods to Damian. "Hold her hand," she orders. "She'll need it."

Damian slips his hand into Janis's, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles over her knuckles. Cady takes a deep breath and plunges back into Janis's leg.

Even under the morphine, Janis shrieks in pain, thrashing against Cady. Her good knee flies up and slams into her nose. Cady heard the crunch and hot blood spurts from the nose. "Hold her down!" she orders Damian, cupping a hand to her nose. "I've got to stop this blood, do whatever you have to do to get her still!"

Damian pulls his belt off and wraps it over Janis's legs and under the table, restraining her thrashing legs from flying up again. Cady wraps her nose in gauze, securing it with tape, and turns back to the table.

Damian bends his forearm over Janis's waist, pinning her to the table, hastily assuring her that she'll be okay, she needs to calm down. Cady dives back into her work, trying to block out her girlfriend's terrified screams of agony as she tries to clamp the tweezers around a fragment of the bullet embedded in her bone.

"What the hell is going on?"

Shane bursts through the door, his eyes wide. "Who's shrieking like a bat out of hell?"

"Get out!" Damian bellows. "You're not scrubbed in, this is bad enough as it is!"

"What-"

"Get out!"

Shane stumbles away as Cady snatches out a fragment of bullet, evoking a particularly horrifying shriek from Janis. "Just a few more!" Cady shouts desperately, dropping it into the tin. "Just a few more, I'm almost done!"

Another piece of metal comes out of the bone, leaving a small crack. "Shit," Cady mutters. "She's gonna need a cast, maybe a cadaver bone transplant. Are Aaron or Karen donors?"

"I'll check later," Damian calls back, still trying to hold Janis down. "For now can we get this over with?"

"I'm almost done!" Cady replies, locking her tweezers around the last bit. "Just one more!"

The piece comes loose with a horrible cracking noise, making Janis scream so loudly Cady's pretty sure glass would shatter if there was any present. "I have to sew her up," Cady says, reaching for her suture kit. "You hear me, Jan, the worst part's over. Just some stitches and then I'll give you some more morphine."

Janis is sobbing, her eyes swollen and puffy, her breaths coming in heaving gasps. She wails in pain as Cady pulls the first stitch through, pulling the skin together.

By the time the thirteen required stitches are in, Janis is about to pass out, pale and clammy and shaking. Damian uncovers her eyes to stroke her hair, murmuring reassurances.

"I'm so sorry, Jan," Cady sighs, touching her face. "It wasn't supposed to be like that. But you were going to die-"

Janis reaches out and locks her shaking hand through Cady's, squeezing tightly. Cady nods and kneels next to her, holding her hand.

She's pale and trembling, shaking like a leaf. Her skin is pale and clammy, remnants of tears still drying on her cheeks. "I'll give you some more morphine," Cady says, reaching for the bottle.

She pushes another twenty ccs, knowing Janis will need it to get any rest after the ordeal she's just had. "Damian, get her to a bed," she orders. "I've got to clean up the OR. I'll stay with her. You go to bed."

Damian nods and carries Janis away, laying her down on a cot. Cady sterilizes the table, swabbing away the blood and cleaning the OR. Her nose isn't broken, only dislocated. Gingerly, Cady places her fingers around it and snaps it back into place, wincing at the fresh blood pouring down her face.

After bandaging her nose more thoroughly, she steps into the main part of the medical tent. Janis is lying propped up on two pillows, her eyes half-closed. "Caddy..." she breathes, reaching out weakly.

Cady rushes to her side, sitting next to her and squeezing her hand. "Hey."

"That really hurt."

"I know."

"It was really scary."

"I know."

"You had to do it."

"I did."

"Will you hold me?"

Cady kicks her shoes off and clambers into the bed behind Janis, holding her as closely as possible. "I've got you," she murmurs. "It's over now. You're safe."

Janis gradually stops shaking, her breaths evening out, and Cady realizes she's asleep. "Night, Jan," she murmurs, kissing her head softly. "Get some rest." She tucks her head onto the pillows, relishing in the closeness to Janis, and closes her eyes, finally letting sleep overtake her.


	12. I Would Drive On To The End With You (And I May Have To)

Janis is still asleep when Cady's eyes open. Cady brushes her hair gently, pressing a light kiss to her head, and slips out from behind her. Janis needs as much sleep as she can get, but Cady has work to do.

Her first stop is Gretchen. The girl is lying flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "Hey, Gretchen," Cady says softly, tapping her shoulder. "How you feeling?"

Gretchen doesn't respond. Her almond-shaped liquid brown eyes stare glassily up at the canvas tent top. "Gretchen?"

Cady presses her fingers to Gretchen's neck, checking for a pulse. It's there, strong and steady. Breathing's even. The stethoscope reveals a perfectly normal heartbeat. Her pupils are fine.

"Gretchen, can you move your hand?"

Gretchen doesn't even twitch. "Gretchen? Gretchen!"

No reaction. 

"Gretchen!"

Nothing.

Cady sighs. She really doesn't want to say it, but she's going to have to chalk this up to PTSD. "Okay, Gretchen, I'll ask...Shane to keep an eye on you. I'm going to need a consult for this...God..."

She buries her head in her hands, allowing herself a moment to be weak. Five seconds. Five seconds of weakness and then she has to move forward.

One...two...three...four...five. Cady sighs a little, pushing her hair back, and stands up. "Feel better, Gretchen," she says softly, stepping out of the tent.

Damian meets her halfway to Regina's. "I was going to check on Jan, up her pain meds. How's Gretchen?"

"She's gone nonverbal and unresponsive," Cady sighs. "I can't find anything wrong with her physically, but post-traumatic stress disorder..."

"You think she's crazy," Damian finishes.

"...kinda. I'm going to get her a consult after I check on Regina. Jan can have another ten ccs of morphine."

"Yeah, about her. What's going on between you two, anyway?"

"We're...dating, I guess. We - we knew we liked each other, but she said she wasn't ready, and then after the cars...she didn't want to wait, and we - we had just decided to be dating when - you know..."

"Good. I was getting tired of waiting for you two to get your shit together. I think you're good for her, Caddie, she likes you. But be warned right now, if your hurt her, they'll never find your body."

"I don't plan to," Cady says, managing a quick smile. "But I'll take that threat seriously. I have to check on Regina, but I'll get to your burns after that."

"Don't worry about it. They're not that bad. Good luck with Regina, paralysis is putting her in bitch mode."

"I'll stay clear of the talons."

Regina is definitely in bitch mode.

"I can't get to my water bottle!" Regina snarls as soon as Cady comes in.

"There's a cup of water right next to you."

"Well, I want my water bottle!"

Cady bites back a retort and hands her the water bottle. "Here. Let's do your PT."

"Where's Janis?"

"Med tent," Cady says, lifting Regina's leg. "Kick."

"Why is she in there?"

"She got shot. I said kick."

"She what?"

"She got shot. Will you kick?"

"Not until you tell me how Janis got shot!"

"We went for a walk-"

"A walk?" Regina snorts disbelievingly.

"Yes, a walk. We were playing hide-and-seek-"

"What are you, five?"

"Do you want to hear this story or not?"

"Yes."

"We were playing hide-and-seek, and I got cornered by some insurgents, and Janis heard me scream, and saved me. She got shot in the process."

"Great. You had to have a shoot-out outside our camp? They'll probably be on us like flies. Good going, Cady."

"Kick harder."

"I'm going to die in a camp full of morons."

"Good to know. Kick harder."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Incision looks good," Cady says, leaning over Janis's leg. "No signs of infection, stitches look clean. You're on track to heal pretty well after I get a cast on that."

"Cast? I thought you said cadaver bone," Damian says in confusion.

"Ideally, I'd do that, yeah. But I don't want to risk another surgery out here with these supplies. We were extremely lucky that she made it off the table. I don't want to risk those odds again. I don't think we'd be as lucky."

"What happens if we go with the cast?" Janis asks.

"Best case scenario, your leg heals fine. You'll have an impressive scar from your surgery. Likely, you'll get some stiffness, arthritis-esque symptoms, maybe some weakness in that leg. Worst case scenario, you'll walk with a crutch or a cane for the rest of your life."

Janis swallows hard. "But a surgery to fix it would probably kill me."

"Basically. I know it's a sucky situation."

"Sucky doesn't even begin to describe it," Janis mumbles. "All right then, cast it is. I like living. What color should I get?"

"Sorry. Field casts are generic white only."

"Shit, I get shot and I don't even get a pretty blue cast? That's fucked up," Janis teases, forcing a smile. "White it is, then. How long will I have to wear it?"

"I'd say at least two months to be safe, then I could do an x-ray and make sure it's healed. The stitches will dissolve on their own, so don't worry about that."

"How am I supposed to shoot if my leg's covered in plaster?"

"You'll have to shoot from the ground. Sorry."

Janis sighs, flopping onto her pillows. "Is there any good news you have for me?"

"Gretchen's consult went through," Cady offers. "I have a lot of research materials on PTSD now, and I know a lot more. Hopefully today I can start putting together a treatment plan. Also, Damian's burns are healing well, Shane's arm is recovering, and Regina's feeling well enough to be bitchy."

"That's good," Janis mutters, staring resentfully at her leg. "Try not to give me arthritis at eighteen, okay, Caddie?"

"I'll do my best, babe."

"Babe?"

"What, did you not like it?"

"No, it's cute, I just...wasn't expecting it. Babe. I...I like that." Janis smils shyly, blushing like a schoolgirl. "No one's ever called me that before."

"Well, then you're long overdue. I'll get the plaster. Be right back."

Cady's digging through a box of supplies when the portable comm goes off. She scoops it up, pressing the audio button. "Platform 451, this is trauma surgeon Cady Heron. Over."

"Not Lieutenant Wieners? Over."

"Lieutenant Wieners is incapacitated. I'm covering for her. Over."

"Listen, there's a Hummer full of insurgents barreling towards your camp. Your sniper's going to have to shoot the gas tank. It's the only way you guys will survive this. You have Lieutenant Sarkisian, correct? Over."

"Correct. Over," Cady says numbly. A Hummer full of insurgents. This is the last thing her struggling platform needs right now.

"Listen, they'll be there in about an hour. Gas tank, remember? You've got this. Special Ops is trained for this, and Sarkisian's the best there is. Good luck, Dr. Heron. Over and out."

The line cuts off with a buzz, leaving Cady trying to wrap her mind around the new disaster speeding at them.


	13. I'll Let You Know Just How Much You Mean to Me (Hopefully Before It's Too Late)

"What?" Janis asks, already trying to drag herself up. "We can't catch a break, can we? I'm going to have to do it-"

"Absolutely not," Regina cuts in. Cady, Damian, and Shane carried her over to the med tent for the meeting on a stretcher. "Not on that leg. You'll never make the shot from the ground."

"I won't do it from the ground. I'll do it from the tree."

"A tree? Janis, you can't climb a tree. You can't even stand."

"I don't need to be able to stand. I just need to be able to shoot."

"Janis-"

"I'm serious. Damian will have to help me get up there, but I can do it. Caddie can go up with me, keep me stable and alive. Regina, we have to do this. If I don't, we'll all die."

"Damian can-"

"Damian can't make that shot," Janis interjects. "No offense, Damian, but we both know you can't."

"None taken," Damian responds, smiling to show he means it. "Jan is right. I can't make that shot. She's our only hope."

Regian sighs. "I hate this job. Fine. Damian will carry you up the tree. Cady will go up with you to monitor your leg. You will make that shot. You will come down. You will rest for a long time."

Janis rolls her eyes. "Done. Can someone help me get out of this cot?"

Cady offers her her hand. "What about Gretchen? If I'm in a tree, someone else needs to stay with Gretchen."

"I can't, for obvious reasons," Regina mutters.

"I'll be guarding Janis," Damian says regretfully.

"I'll do it," Shane volunteers.

The whole platform turns to look at him "You?" Janis says skeptically.

"Yeah, me. Come on, I'm not a total ass. Gretchen and I went to high school together. She'd help me pass Chemistry, I'd walk her home from parties and stuff, keep her safe. I - I won't stop doing that now."

Regina nods slowly. "Okay, then. Gretchen is your responsibility. I better not regret it. Everyone has their orders?"

They nod collectively.

"Okay. Let's move out. And if we don't make it through this...it has been an honor being your commander. Now, kick some ass."

Damian wraps an arm around Janis, supporting her. "Suit up?"

"No," Cady decided. "It'll be hell enough getting her up the tree, and if she's seen, a Kevlar vest won't save her. Let's just take the gun."

Janis clings to Damian's back like a monkey as they reach the base of the tree. "Ready?" he asks, preparing to climb.

"As I'll ever be."

Damian jumps up, beginning the climb. Janis hangs on, biting her lip, her face tight with pain. She's clearly stifling screams as Damian works his way up. "You're up, Caddie," he calls, easing Janis into the fork of a branch.

Cady climbs up quickly. Since coming out here, she's grown much stronger very quickly. "You okay, Jan?" she asks, handing her the rifle and pulling her first aid kit out of its strap.

"Yeah," Janis breathes, dots of sweat beading her forehead. "That just...really hurt."

Cady squeezes her hand, smiling sympathetically. "Sorry, no pain meds before operating assault rifles."

"Aww."

Damian drops out of the tree. "Good luck, Jan. No pressure, but we're counting on you."

"No pressure?" Janis echoes. "I hate you."

"I think I hear the truck," Cady whispers. 

"Yeah," Janis murmurs back, straining to hear. "Okay, I'm getting into position. Don't let me fall."

Janis wiggles slowly and painfully onto her stomach on a long, extended branch, masked in leaves. "I see them," she murmurs. "They're close."

Cady bites her lip, staring at Janis. She has one shot to save them all, and she's doing it with literal holes in her leg bone. She's very good, but this seems insurmountable, even for her.

The truck barrels over the hill, armed to the teeth and packed with insurgents. There's only one chink in the armor. Gas tank. The radio guy was right. Gas tank is the only shot.

Janis takes aim as the truck flies towards camp like a Nascar truck on speed. One of the men lifts his gun, pointing it towards the med tent, where Regina is hiding, alone and defenseless. Cady closes her eyes, not wanting to see the fireball consume her when-

An explosion that tears the world apart. Janis flies back into her, both of them knocked backwards by the force of it. Heat blisters her skin from the massive fireball. Cady does her best to save Janis's leg as they fall, but the ground is coming up quickly and it's going to hurt a lot.

Wham!

The force of impact knocks the air out of her lungs, leaving her gasping for breath. Janis is next to her, also panting, moaning in pain. But alive.

There's something else too.

Screams? It's hard to tell over the ringing in her ears.

No, definitely screams.

Cady pulls herself up and instantly falls, dizzy. The kind of dizzy where the world swoops under you like a sadistic carousel. Black spots balloon lazily in front of her eyes.

She can't walk.

But she can crawl.

Growling with the effort, she pulls herself onto her hands and knees, dragging herself forwards. After a few feet, she falls, splitting her lip. Gritty sand fills her mouth. She spits out as much as she can and carries on.

After millennia of slow, painful crawling, of falling over and over again into the dirt, she reaches the screaming person.

It's Damian.

And he has good reason to be screaming.

For where there was once an arm,

There is only a gaping, bloody stump.


	14. All We Are Is Bullets (I Mean Metaphorically...But Almost Literally)

"Damian!" Cady screams, trying to hold off the numbness filling her veins like lead. Damian needs her help if he's going to live. Which means she cannot afford to go into shock right now. "Damian, I need you to hold still!"

He ignores her. She would too, if her arm had been blown off. The pain must be unimaginable. But he's still losing blood and he needs help.

"Janis! Janis!"

Janis has started crawling over too, dragging herself slowly, her face twisted in agony. "My leg..."

Her eyes widen when she see Damian's arm. "Oh dear God..."

It's all too much. Janis is hurt and Cady can't see Regina and Gretchen is disassociating and Cady doesn't know what to do about that and the only other trained medical professional out here is dead and her best bet for a second is bleeding out before her eyes. She can hear Janis gagging, fires roaring, Damian screaming, the gas in the engine of the car crackling, the zinging of bullets and fire meeting, but none of it seems real.

"Janis Sarkisian, pull yourself together!" she snaps, half-meaning the order for herself. "Get my kit!"

"Damian...his arm.."

"Janis, get my fucking kit!"

Something in Cady's tone snaps Janis back to reality and she drags herself off in the direction of the kit, her leg slowing her down. 

Cady rips her shirt off without a second thought, leaving her in her regulation white cotton bra. It's not ideal, but she needs a compression. Ignoring Damian's screams of agony, she presses her tattered, ragged shirt onto the stump of his arm.

There's a few bits of charred flesh lying around. One Cady recognizes as a finger. Damian's arm is gone. He'll have to do without it.

Janis stumbles over, managing to half-stand, her leg twisted and bleeding copiously. "Kit," she gasps, collapsing to the ground.

Everything in her is screaming to check on her girlfriend, but Cady can't worry about her right now. Instead, she digs into the kit, pulling out what she's looking for.

A metal spatula, for use in applying creams, and a lighter.

"Damian, this is going to hurt like hell," Cady mutters, gritting her teeth. She flicks on the lighter and holds it over the spatula, heating the metal.

When it's red-hot, Cady drops the lighter and pulls the shirt away from Damian's arm. Clenching her teeth, she works up her resolve and then shoves the red-hot spatula against the bleeding stump.

Damian screams loud enough to wake the dead, his back arching as he thrashes in pain. Cady holds his shoulder, forcing the spatula to stay on, cauterizing the wound.

Finally, it's done. Cady drops the spatula, gasping for breath. Damian is still screaming, his throat raw and voice hoarse, his eyes wild with fear and pain. Cady stabs him with a morphine packet and administers a dose of preemptive penicillin.

Then she turns to Janis. Janis is lying in a heap on the ground, her skin sweaty and pale, blood leaking from her cast. Her eyes are half-closed and glassy with pain.

"Jan, babe, what happened?" Cady asks. 

"My leg..."

Janis's leg is twisted backwards and bent awkwardly, the cast broken and cracked. It's a disaster for her healing process. Cady digs through her kit, snatching up a small hammer. Viciously, she slams it down onto Janis's cast, sending a massive crack through the plaster. A few more strikes and it splits in half, allowing her to pull it off.

Janis's leg is devastatingly bad.

Ghastly white bone sticks through the skin, streaked red with blood. Chips and fragments are missing, and a small part seems completely gone. 

"How bad is it?" Janis gasps, stifling a moan.

"Open fractures," Cady says quietly. "It's - it's pretty bad, Jan. You'll probably be on a cane for the rest of your life."

"Oh, God..." Janis closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Okay. I'll worry about that later. What can you do for me?"

"I'll set it as best I can," Cady sighs. "But I've only ever attempted it on something this bad once, and it'll hurt like a bitch. I'm going to give you as much morphine as I can before I set it, but it's going to hurt."

Janis nods shakily. "I trust you, Caddie. Do your best, please."

"I always do. Here, I'll do the morphine." After some thought, Cady sticks Janis with two morphine packets. Hopefully it'll help.

"All right, I'm starting," Cady says. "Close your eyes."

Janis closes them, clenching her fists in preparation.

Cady snaps the first fracture into place. 

Janis screams. Her back arches into a bridge as she wails in pain, hot tears leaking through her tightly closed eyelids. Cady can see the tension in her muscles, the agony in her face.

Slowly, it fades, and Janis falls back down, panting. "Fuck," she mutters. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"That's about right. I have one more open fracture to set and then a few internal ones. Ready?"

"No. But go ahead."

Snap.

Janis shrieks in agony, her bones sliding together as Cady cracks them back into place. "Fuck!"

"Good job," Cady soothes. "I'm almost done, just a few more times. You're doing well, really. After this, we'll get you a new cast. Ready?"

Snap.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It feels like hours before Cady is ready to hit the bed. 

Regina survived. She was shielded by another cot and escaped with minimal injuries. Her ears are ringing miserably, but she's physically okay.

Shane took the worst of the impact, allowing Gretchen to escape unscathed. He's bruised, bleeding, and burned, but in no real danger. Cady bandaged him up and gave him some Vicodin for the pain.

Damian is in a cot, unconscious. Cady gave him a tranquilizer after the morphine drip failed to help. His arm, or the lack of it, looks bad. Hopefully the penicillin will hold up, but he's probably going to get an infection.

Janis is resting on another cot, propped up on pillows. Her eyes are wide and pained. Cady won't knock her out, mostly because she needs her right now, but Janis is not complaining, waiting silently, blinking owlishly as Cady tidies up the medical tent as best she can.

Cady starts to stumble to her cot when Janis speaks up. "Caddie? Will you stay with me?"

"Sure," Cady mumbles blearily, staggering over. "You okay?"

"Not really," Janis sighs. "This was my fault, Caddie. I blew Damian's arm off. I almost killed us all."

"Hey, don't do that. Those insurgents would have blown his head off if you hadn't done it. Thanks to you, all of us are alive, and should recover. You saved us."

"It doesn't feel like it," Janis murmurs, slumping into Cady's shoulder. "How do you deal with it? Seeing all this, the blood, the death, the injuries? How does it not break you?"

"It can't break me," Cady replies, wrapping an arm around her. "I'm the only one out here that can do medical stuff. I can't break. If I do, we all die. I disassociate. I block it all out. Pretend I'm back in the hospital, and the injury is some stupid kid in my trauma room. I think about it later, when I do at all."

Janis suddenly cups a hand around Cady's cheek and pulls her in, connecting their lips. Cady responds, working a hand into her hair and pressing the other to the small of her back, deepening the kiss. They're so close together it's easy to get lost in each other, in their warm bodies and sweet scents. 

Janis flicks her tongue against Cady's bottom lip, asking for entrance. Cady gives it to her, parting her lips slightly, moaning a little as Janis's tongue probes gently around her mouth. They cling to each other tighter, hands wandering slowly, exploring the warm curves and angles of each other, learning the language of each other's bodies.

Finally, they break apart, breathing hard. "That was awesome," Cady breathes. "What was that for?"

"Because we both almost died today and I've never made out with you," Janis replies, kissing her cheek. "Believe me, it was an experience I definitely am glad to have had before my rapidly approaching demise."

"Hey. You're not allowed to die," Cady says sternly, cupping her hand under Janis's chin. "Not on my watch. We're both getting through this and going home, got it?"

"Got it," Janis says dazedly, staring into her eyes. "Wow, you're gorgeous."

"Shut up, dork. I'm exhausted. Let's go to sleep."

"Fine idea."

Janis wiggles closer to Cady, leaning her head on her shoulder, feeling Cady's head rest on hers. She closes her eyes, hoping to fall asleep quickly.

"I love you," Cady breathes, closing her eyes as well. Janis is already breathing evenly, she won't have heard it, but it makes Cady feel better to say it after the day they've had.

Sleep seems impossible, but Cady's exhausted, and she drops off almost immediately, wrapped in the warm embrace of her girlfriend.


	15. And I Feel Like There's Nothing Left To Do (And I'd Be Right)

One of the innumerable downsides of this many traumas is the increase in rounds.

At five a.m, Cady gently slips out of Janis's arms, pressing a light kiss to her forehead before pushing herself up to check Damian's arm.

Damian is waking slowly, in a state of half-consciousness. "Mom," he mumbles as Cady approaches. "Mom, is that you?"

"Sorry," Cady apologizes softly, stroking his hair soothingly. "It's me. Cady."

"Mom, I don't think I can go to school. I'm really tired and my arm hurts and I just want to sleep."

Cady presses her hand to his forehead. His skin is hot and dry. Feverish. Cady snatches up the bedside thermometer and runs it over his forehead. "102.3," she mutters, reading the display. "Shit, he's delirious."

"Mom, don't make me go. Please."

Cady pulls away the bandages, checking his arm.

Creamy pus oozes from the recesses of the wound. The remaining skin is stretched tight over the wound and burns as red as pepper. Heat pulses off the inflamed stump.

"Infection."

Cady speaks it aloud, cementing the horror of every trauma surgeon's greatest enemy. Infection is the silent killer, working its way into the body of a patient who was going to live and diving deep into every bone and muscle and blood cell, poisoning and killing, as the surgeon stands by powerlessly, watching the antibiotics fail and their patient die slowly.

Filling a syringe, Cady pushes a massive dose of penicillin into Damian's system and attaches a drip of saline and a cocktail of fever reducers, antibiotics, and pain relievers. Hopefully that'll be enough to ease his discomfort and hold off the infection.

"Jan," Cady whispers, resting her hand on Janis's shoulder. "Jan, babe, wake up."

Janis's eyes shoot open and she bolts upright, reaching for her gun. "What is it? What happened?"

"Shh, no, nothing like that," Cady soothes, holding her hands up defensively. "It's okay, you can put the gun down."

Janis nods tensely, easing her gun back into place. "What is it?"

"Jan, it's Damian. His arm is infected. He's delirious and sick. I need you to sit with him while I do rounds."

Janis's eyes widen to the size of half-dollars. "Damian...no, you said he was going to be fine! He was going to be fine! It's not fair!"

Janis suddenly kicks the water bottle on the floor, hard, sending it skidding across the floor and crashing into the metal racks of medicines. "It's not fucking fair!"

"Hey," Cady says softly, reaching out cautiously, trying not to fear the wild-animal look in Janis's eyes. "Hey, I know. I know it's not. But I need your help, Jan. I need you to calm down and help me."

"It's not - it's not fucking fair," Janis murmurs weakly, tears pooling in her eyes. "It's not fucking fair...not fucking fair..."

Cady rushes forward and envelops her in a hug, holding her gently. "I know. I know, it's not, it's really not, but I think he's going to make it. He's strong, and I'm giving him everything I've got against this. But I need you to stay with him and watch him. Watch the wound. Try to keep him calm. I have rounds, Jan, I can't stay with him. I need you to be strong for me, okay? For me and for Damian, I need you to be strong. Can you do that?"

Janis nods shakily, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "Y-yeah. Yeah, I can. I'm - I'm sorry, Caddie. I shouldn't have - shouldn't have kicked that. Shouldn't have yelled. I'm sorry. It was just - I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Cady says, brushing her hair off her face. "I have to go check on Gretchen and Regina. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay," Janis says determinedly, stealing a quick, soft kiss, like the brush of a butterfly's wing, from Cady. "Go."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shh, Damian, it's okay, it's me, it's Janis!" Janis says frantically, dabbing at Damian's burning skin with a wet rag. "It's me, it's your best friend, it's Janis, it's me, it's okay!"

"Mom!" Damian calls, his eyes closed, thrashing about as Janis frantically tries to keep him still. "Mom, make it stop, please, Mom, make it stop!"

"Okay, okay!" Janis cries desperately, abandoning her futile attempts with the rag. "Damian, Damian, it's me, it's your mom, it's Mom, it's Mom, I'll make it stop, I'll make it stop, but you have to calm down and try to sleep! You have to go to sleep! It's the only way I can make it stop, you have to go to sleep, and I'll make it stop, I promise!"

"Mom, please!"

Janis lets out a shout of frustration, shaking her head. "Damian, please, please, listen to me. I know you're in there, I need you, you can't die, you can't get your brain cooked, I need you to be okay! I need it!"

"Mom, please, make it stop, make it stop!"

Janis hears Cady's footsteps and turns instantly. "Oh, thank God, love, I don't know what to do and - oh, love, you're crying, are you okay? What happened?"

Cady shakes her head frantically. "I - I remembered, the guy, the guy that tried to choke you, I shot him, I shot him, I killed him, I shot him, and I for-forgot, because I had to forget, but I shot him, and it - it just hit me-"

She's interrupted by Janis pulling her into a crushingly tight hug, holding her as tightly as she can, her warm muscles wrapping Cady in a loving embrace. She drags her trembling mess of a girlfriend to the bed next to Damian and sinks down, kneeling at the head of the cot and pulling Cady onto the cot. "Cry it out, love," Janis whispers softly as Cady curls up at the foot of the cot, her face buried in Janis's knees. "I know, trust me, I know. Go ahead and cry all you have to. I've got you. I promised you I'd help you and I will. It's going to be okay. The guilt will fade a little. It's going to be okay."

She weaves her fingers through Cady's auburn locks, the soft strands of hair slipping through her fingers like water. 

Nothing is okay right now.

Damian is delirious, screaming and pleading for a woman ten thousand miles away.

Cady is breaking down in her arms, shaking and crying and hyperventilating and broken, and there is nothing to do but hold her and whisper meaningless words of comfort that do nothing.

Janis enlisted in the army to get an ocean between her and her pain, her rejection, her fears, her...Lissa.

But all that pain has just followed her.

Boarding the C-130 right along with her.

And now she's starting to think she'll never get away from it.


End file.
